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Arsinos News
A place for all map game news and events. Like in the old wiki. Add latest news to the newest section of the page at the top ('Page was a mess, so previous stories have been moved to Past News) It is now acceptable to talk about Christmas (but please don't) *An odd development - hundreds of people are gathering at the Big Brother house in hysterical excitement. The festival buzz surrounding the building would leave one believing that a new series of the show is about to start. Upon being interviewed, however, the crowd simply screams and cheers, instead of answering questions. Many have screamed so much their vocal chords have snapped and bled, leading to a few fatalities. However, the situation seems to be vaguely under control. People are wondering… what on earth is going on, and who are the new house members going to be?! 'Mission tommorow from 6! *In a move the improve ties with Lornon the 2nd Fleet of the Stahl Federation sails for Thane. *The Stahl Federation begins massing troops in north Kanelanden and annexes the pirate island near Port Kanetown. *A combined force made up of AAC, Dalania, Amun-Seth and Pirates blow the crap out of SE's oil rigs. SE sends ICBM's to AAC's oil rigs, which are heavily defended. SE mobilises its grand fleet, and AAC, Dalania & Amun-Seth mobilise their land armies. *Riots break out in Port Kanetown as the alcohol supply runs dangerously low. *The Kaneish Liberation Coalition form with the intention of insuring that Stahl listen to the international orders they have faced, either by diplomacy or force should it ultimately be necessary. *The Stahl Federations 1st fleet is deployed in Reichendorf whilst the 2nd fleet maintains its current deployment in Port Kanetown. Aircraft from Scharfenberg Airbase have been deployed to Kanesvilles airport to aid in any attack on the city whilst troops are deployed to the three main cities. *The Stahl Federation demands that UN peacekeepers leave as they are no longer needed. *Saturday unexpectedly flops at number 63 on the AAC charts. Experts blame the fact it was released on a Sunday. *Today is the 7th anniversary of Mapzor! Celebrations are occuring all around Arsinos! Here's to another 7! *Deceased President Rebecca Black has been depicted in song and music video Saturday prequel to her revered Friday along with "Dave". This skyrockets to number 1 in Novak and The United Provinces and causes a torrent of conspiracy theories around her death and the song. "Dave" has reportedly been arrested in Rio and extradited to Novak with alleged torture involved in his interrogation. There are also unverified reports of RBs body being exhumed but there is currently a lot of secrecy in Novak regarding this issue. Novak also vows to persue alleged Paedo Patrice Wilson more aggressively. Meanwhile the video also depicts an imitation of Miley Cyrus which angers the real Miley Cyrus who breaks into the presidential palace of Cheryl Cole UP like a wrecking ball and crushing Cole. A new UP president will be selected at random as per her wishes. *AAC announces that the city in waxahatchee on the river aiight will be named Kalopsia, and that road and rail networks will be built connecting it to merrythought, new falafel, and DPRSJ. *Magneto is anounced as the sucessor to Sethos and the future lord of Amun-Seth. He is placed in charge of the Steel Tide. *kanegella is born to proud parents Kane and Nigella on the Holiday Island private hospital. kane expects great things of her. *A recent poll suggests that most kaneland people say Kane Jr lacks the qualities of Kane and they want Kane to return. In a seperate poll AAC was rated as the most uncool country in Arsinos. **Really, AAC is less cool than Stahl? *After being bombed and killed for the last few weeks it will take more than promises of equality and investment to make the Kaneland people discard their national identity and sovereignty and cosy up to the Stahl Federation. Expect resistance. Some citizens are starting a vidual round thestatue of Kane. *The Federation votes to keep the statue of Kane and repurpose the stadium whilst also allocating extra funding to demolish the slums and rebuilt Kanesville into a modern city inline with the rest of the federation. The experimental reactor complex in Kanye Westville will also be mantained and used by the federation. *The Stahl Federation forms the recently acquired territory into the state of Kanelanden giving it the same rights as any other state in the federation. 3rd ABU Report ''' *the Salopian people in New Salopia are demanding independence and an end to the injustice of AAC oppression. *In response to Kane, Kane Jr states that he would have defended Kanejuniorland if anyone else had come to aid him in his attempts to rid the fascist scum from the area. Stahl had two very powerful allies, whereas AAC was the only country who would protect Kanejuniorland. *In a move widley regarded as a sign of weakness kane Jr makes a deal with Stahl Federation and splits KaneJrLand in half with the Upper half being absorbed into AAC and teh southern half going to Stahl. Kane: " You have got to be S****** me". *In response to New Salopia being overun by AAC, Mayor Towlie of Merrythought city decides to get a little high. *Some people in Telford have begun learning French in anticipation of the UN proposal "Vive le Telfordeois!" *Archeologists in Sakeskai have found ancient artworks and sculptures that suggest the previous inhabitants had a bizzare cock obsession, as depicted by their flag. *Worrying reports - a worldwide increase in various underground gatherings that seem to be Culists of the Machine God, the potentially dangerous pro-Masher religion. *kane deciedes that Kane Jr needs to learns some responsibility so while Kane goes to the Holdiay island to get high and escape the endless conflicts in Kaneland Kane Jr is put in change and promptly makes kaneland part of AAC and renames Kaneland as kaneJr land. *Kaneland launches a new wave of poweful veichles against the Stahl imperialists. *The Federation opens a new Nuclear research facilty near Taunusstein, purely for peaceful purposes. *Please vote in the 2013 Arsinos Awards, it'll be a nice way to celebrate 7 years of Mapzor on Sunday 8th December (which is also voting deadline). *Following the abandonment of the Dalanian EMP project, technicians begin developing new armour systems to benefit soldiers in battle. The first prototypes should be tested later this week. *Taylor Swifts popularity in Novak has skyrocketed after The Hunger Wars . She will soon tour Novak with the tour ending in Isimzia where she has begun an investigation into the recent dissents there *On a secret mission, Sethos is attacked and easily defeated by Masher. The unconscious leader is found and returned to Amun-Seth - his systems are rebooting but it will take some time. Amun-Seth is in disarray as it tries to find someone to fill Sethos' shoes until he recovers. *Upon becoming Chancellor Jorhan Stahl announces extra funding towards classified military projects in particluar the Uranprojekt details currently highly classified. *Election results in Stahl Federation Jorhan Stahl of the Nationalist party elected as chancellor with the Republicans losing many seats due to recent events. *UP and AS create the Treaty of Sesame Street, involving the construction of an AS embassy in UP (And a UP embassy in AS), an exchange programme between students of the universities and a trade agreement. *AAC and Stahl reach free trade agreement, as Stahl prepares to invade New Salopia. *Slashing through the snow where dismembered bodies lay, spreading christmas woe, it's the perfect time to slay! **AAC citizens take offense to the word slay being used so casually, so soon after Buffy's death. *Van Helsing unsuccessfully attempts suicide given the trauma sustained from the demon-rape incident. He is under 24 hour counselling in AAC. He has become a solitary and dishevelled figure, not the eager and brave Avenger he once was. **Technically Van Helsing was only an Avenger once... World Peace Ends *Kane Jr joins Stahl's efforts to take down Kane, citing the fact that they never let him do what he wants, and that he's not a kid anymore and has his own life. *AAC makes free trade agreements with both UP and Amun-Seth. *Dalania and AS enter a military and free trade alliance, involving a sharing of armed forces and resources. It is named the Treaty of the Dark Crusaders. *Amun-Seth invades the island of Kiel. A non-violent solution is found, and Stahl citizens and forces can leave the island and AS is free to ocupy it. Kiel is renamed to Damnos under AS control. AAC is given control over their half of the island back. *AAC surrenders Al'Falafel to Novak, whilst maintaining a small amount of land to found New Falafel *Temporary ceasefire declared by Stahl who annexes gains. THough everyone is certain after the toastervision the war will re-ignite *With the war in Kaneland shwoing no sign of ending kane encourages the Kanekand people to enter military service *The Avengers sucessfully foil a plot by Masher and Duccont to destroy the world using demon's of Khorne. However, both the criminals escape and go into hiding. It turns out Duccont used the people of Amun-Seth to free Masher, whilst Sethos was captured, so that he could build her another Steel Tide. However, Masher taught her to summon demons instead. The demons, for now, have been banished from Arsinos when the Silent Shadow sunk a dagger into the Arch-Demon's head. Word that Masher is still at large, and equipt with a new robotic form, has caused mass fear. *Following an attack on Amun-Seth by Demons of Khorne, which seem to be coming from the Island of Doom and were summoned by Laura Duccont, Van Helsing urges Sethos to assemble the Avengers in order to invade the island and destroy the Arch-Demon. Helsing wishes to learn how Duccont learnt to summon demons and why she would do such a thing. If left unchallenged, the demonic infestion could spell global disaster. *AAC civil war essentially ends. President Dave Grohl promises to call elections within the next week, as both sides become disillusioned with why they're actually finding, along with most rebels suspecting Laura Duccont has ulterior motives. This, coupled with the destruction of the AAC government has led many rebels to give up arms, along with President Grohl offering peace and civility. Van Helsing has urged world leaders to put Laura Duccont's name into an anagram solver. *Unusual activity on the Island of Doom. A thick red haze surrounds the island, blanketing the air from the sea to the sky in a hurrendous fog. Communication in and out of the Island was utterly impossible. Any attempts at entering the fog to find the island simply lead to the aircraft or ships simply disappearing and never returning... *AAC parliament building explodes and scatters itself into many pieces, along with a fair amount of Fort Vegasopolis' centre. It is suspected that this action came from the rebels who moved south. As the government were in session, it appears that the majority of the government were killed. *The battle of Deftonesville between the Aprillian rebels and the AAC army is well underway. So far neither side has made great advances, though AAC look to have the upper hand with better resources and the help of Stahl. It also seems to appear that some of the Aprillians have escaped south into mainland AAC during the carnage. Meanwhile, Van Helsing has been spotted in Aprillia. He is not fighting in the battle of Deftonesville, but instead he appears to be looking for something, or perhaps someone... *New Salopia send an armoured column to Kaneland to help with the defence of Kanesville but otherwise dig in to resist the AAC counterattack. Pirates after picking up some Aprilla refugees deiced to resupply by raiding the lighlty defenced Stahl coastline. *Shaderia wins the Rollertown Lottery and Fusonia becomes a Shaderian Protectorate alongside Lornon. In a move to encourage Fusonian happiness and sense of security The Fusherion Federation is born. *Pirates arrive in Aprilla and offer to evacuate anyone who wishes to make a life for themselves on the seas plundering for a living. *In response to the attack, AAC ICBMs Kanyewestville and sends Elastic Pipeline and Blue Carolina to bomb Kaneland and New Salopia. Stahl stops supporting Aprillia and aids in the attack on Kaneland, ICBMing Kanesville. AAC sees this as an opportunity to attack Aprillia in the north with the remainder of their force. AAC aint takin' shit from no-one no more. *Stahl Federation throws its forces agains the fortress line of South Kaneland and predictiby sustain high casulties while hardly advancing. *Aprillian prisoners are freed from prison camps but a shady looking guard. Prisoners are then given arms and proceed to kill and capture all of the guards, who they hugely outnumber. The Island Of Doom becomes Aprillian territory. *The Stahl Federation invades southern Kaneland with the aim of securing all territory south of the river whilst not including Kanesville. *Kane Industries launhes a new breakfast cerial. Try Crikles today! **They taste like Bigfoot's dick. *Sethos' meditations have been troubled lately. Trouble is brewing. Something bad is going to happen, soon... he predicts that the call for the Avengers shall have to be made once again to save the world... 6:00pm! If you can't make it and want to it can be a different time!' *A Novak-Kaneland-NS allience invades the AAC mainland area of DPRSJ and Al'Falafel each with its own expansionist aims. The war begins with a special forces strike on Ravetown airport followed by airstikes on infrastructure designed to delay the arrival of reinforcements. Kaneland and NS advance on DPRSJ whilst Novak sends in troops to Al'Falafel *AAC prepares to take seige of Deftonesville from Aprillia. *The birth of Kane Junior leads to much rejocing in kaneland. The first family of Kaneland want some time way from the cameras and Kane has proposed to Nigella offering a ring that is reportedly worth more than the GDP of Stahl. *Sethos confirms that the Sethians who have sided with the Aprillia government are all members of the Cult of the Machine God. He allows them to do as they please, but should they choose to return to Amun-Seth they will be expected to prove their loyalty again through trial by combat. *Novak conflict resolved shadily, elections held *The Steel Tide are called back to Amun-Seth by Sethos. However, for mysterious reasons, the majority of the Steel Tide remain in Aprillia. *Mr.T of Novak is saying that the Church of lunacy must allow control of Isimzia to be restored to the central government or face exclusion from the upcoming elections, as negotiations begin on settling the internal struggles. Novak forces are surrounding Isimzia. Mr.T has told Lupinis it is responsible for allowing communist factions within it to supply the Isimzian seperatists and says Novak will not negotiate with Moonmoons Willist captors until they do so. In the meantime it is expected the seige will be drawn out, the govt forces will not want to enter the city, instead keeping it under seige. This is due to Isimzia being trade dependent but also because it is an ancient site and people are reluctant to do battle if it would destory it *Sethos, in a move that goes against his very principles, orders the immediate release of the war criminal Masher from Amun-Seth prison. It is later revealed that the real Sethos was captured. He escapes, however, and returns to Amun-Seth to track down Masher. The Avengers briefly re-unite to help the search, but by this time it is too late. He's gone. *Aprillian forces start to form a border surrounding the areas formerly occupied by Dog Bollock. The start hanging up flags. Road to Zoio *Kaneland officially wins the Toastervision 12, and it has been confirmed they will host Toastervision 13. The winning song was Nemo by Nightwish. *It is confirmed that LibAc rebel leader April Harrison died in the massacre. New rebel leader Laura Duccont swears vengeance for her old friend. It has been rumoured that the two were lovers. Other rebel leader Matthew Boulton is detained in the Island Of Doom. The rebels retreat to Deftonesville, the abandoned city, where they are joined by the steel tide, the Amun Seth military forces, and the Stahl carrier SS Kiel. In honor of their former leader, the force is named Aprillia. *It appears unrest in UP is as far as it goes and there is no desire to openly fight the state. *Dalanian and AAC embassies in UP attacked and burned *An minister from Nigella's government has been seized and taken by an angry mob and on interrogation the minister admits to rebels that UP's previous government covered up their problems securing aircraft carriers from Sethos and that loggers only left because of Nigella's personal relationship. Not due to effective government policy. *On hearing of Hayley's death angry crowds gather outside UP's government assembly building. Furious that they allowed her to go *Following the violent massacre of AAC citizens, Hayley Williams is killed by gunfire. *UP government is dissolved in the run up to elections. Nigella makes her final speech in UP's assembly on the many different types of tart. She then departs with her lover Kane to Kaneland. In preparation for the birth of her baby. **A royal wedding would be hilarious. *Loggers move out UP into Stahl. *Nigella and Kane fall in love (Nigella seems to like bald men) and get busy in her kitchen. *In order to quell the rebellion, Sethos himself and a unit of Steel Tide guards fly to AAC to act as Hayley Williams' guard. He plans to try and save as many lives as possible and restore order. The military in Amun-Seth is mobilising as a precaution. *Hayley Williams arrives in AAC to help calm the situation down diplomatically. Rioters and protesters (Now calling themselves Liberation Action, or LibAc for short) are caught plotting a gunpowder attack on the AAC assembly buildings in Fort Vegasopolis. They are tried without jury and immediately flown to a top secret military prison camp, on the Island Of Doom. The news sparks fear of a full scale rebellion in many corners of AAC, with a McCarthy-esque witch-hunt of LibAc sympathisers, occurring nationwide, particularly in very pro-government cities such as Biffy Clyro & Paramoria. This in turn radicalises many members of the LibAc. *Sethos is growing concerned over a rising Sethian religion, the Cult of the Machine God, that worships the genoical war criminal, Masher, as a God and would see him set free. Though the cult claims to be entirely non-violent, they could present a risk as Masher supporters. *Troubles in AAC worsen as calls for the current government to step down by rioters and protesters are being ignored. The protesters claim that the government have long exceeded their term, and with the death of Buffy, the leader that the people voted for is no longer in place. The government and their supporters claim that times are too turbulent for the country to consider staging an election, especially after the devastation caused by the war of the table and the death of the president. Cities Don Bronco and (the already troubled) Fort Vegasopolis are rife with rioters and protests, with the government hinting that if they continue, they will have to involve the military. *Amun-Seth and Pullonia accepted into United Nations *New Salopian missionaries are said to be responsible for teh increase in violence against the Tacovian population of the falkland islands. *Logging in eastern UP continues dispite warnings and increasing policing. The loggers are said to be armed and grouchy. *Across the world, people are talking about the events of King Masher's fall. Rumours have it that the Avengers have formed in Arsinos... *Dalania announce that The Lake of Fallen Angels is an official memorial site to international leaders. This site will be open to the public, but will have military security. **Sethos requests a statue of Buffy to honor her sacrafice in the Fellowship. * The war criminal Masher, who Sethos decided to spare, is placed into a mortal human body once again by Sethos' advanced technology. Powerless, the prisoner is moved to a top security prison in the Spire, a new city being built in Amun-Seth. Many of the Sethians believe that Masher is a God, and his death could cause an uproar among the people, even though they see him for what he is - an evil genius. *The conflict between the CIS and USP is declared over when USP withdraws. *The Table is handed to the UN by the USP. *After belligerent protesting from other nations, USP has finally pulled out of Kaneland and given up The Table to the UN. For the first time in ages, Arsinos seems to have achieved world peace. *AAC president Buffy The Vampire Slayer dies while battling Masher. Riots spark up in AAC from factions that didn't support the governments decision to send her in to battle, and those that supported Masher. *The fall of a titan! King Masher is defeated! Sethos rallies the Steel Tide as sentient machines back in his country and begins the long process of rebuilding his nation. *Technotoad is smothered to death on the frontlines by Janice, ex-ruler of Lexilo. *Thanks to a rogue AAC spy, King Masher has learned the location of Sethos in USP. For supporting the rebels, he launches his invasion of USP early and attacks in what promises to be a pretty huge fight. He is unaware of the Fellowship's plan, however. Sethos prepares the nations for war by providing military intel and electronic upgrades that will assist the defenders, and continues preparing the virus for King Masher. *Sethos, Steel Tide rebel leader, organises a meeting of world leaders to discuss King Masher's ambitions. He begins assisting USP with preparing defenses for the inevitable Steel Tide invasion from DB. This leads to the formation of The Fellowship Of The Arse-Stick. *A space pod crashes in DB. Out of it comes Janice - ex queen of Lexilo. She has come for techno toad. Who she affectionally refers to as her "little toodles!" *Dalanian military scientists have begun the development and production of combat drones, to be used (potentially) in the place of conventional foot soldiers. *Sethos arrives at Vettin with his gang of Steel Tide rebels. He makes an urgent request that the UN meet with him in top secret ASAP regarding a matter of potential global catastrophy. As a show of good faith, he hands control of his aircraft carrier, The Reverend, to USP. *USP announces development of an anti WMD system *Treaty of Milk and Cereal between USP and SE. Allowing SE bases and troops to be stationed in the USP. Some SE aircraft carriers will also be built in USP ports which have the space. *Dalania have begun to develop high-range, high-impact, non-nuclear EMP weapons, with the intention of disabling large scale systems with minimal risk. *King Masher pulls the Steel Tide out of Dalania after an appeasement is made. *public announcement: pullonia has begun to process of builiding a warriors palace with 20 decorative WMDs , 100 decorative tanks and 10 decorative aircraft carriers *Buffy has gone on record to compare Pullonia to the retarded toddler of Arsinos. *the people in pullonia are all bannaed from real relationships and must shag anyone and everyone, they are genetically engineered to become pregnant 1000% easier and so pregnancy always produces 5 children at a time, there is also genetic changes so they age twice as fastdpole. **King Masher: 'Nobody cares about you scabby people, we will harvest you again soon.' **king masher, are you aware that this nation is on your side you retard...ole. ***King Masher: 'You are nothing. You will be assimilated.' ***bored of your shit masher *Pullonia makes a comeback. *Mr.T authorises an expeditionary blimp fleet lead by RNAS Urpet to move south of Sarluka to defend North Novak and put troops on the ground which can occupy Sarluka for their own safety. MEanwhile RNAS Isimzia is stationed on the border and RNAS Taldraza is sent to the northeast for unspecified reasons linked to the internal conflict. In Isimzia the Church of Lunacy has won favour over the communists who go into hiding. *'2nd ABU report ''' *Dog Bollock invades western Dalania with the intention of harvesting for biomass. *King Masher publically announces the identity of the rebel leader, a machine named Sethos, and intends to find and crush this uprising quickly and swiftly. He issues a bounty on Sethos' head. Following this, the rebels take control of a Steel Tide aircraft carrier, renaming it The Reverend, and set sail for the Sea of Mermaids where King Masher will be too far to reach them. *At the statue of Rebecca Black in Shrewsbury expats and sympathisers light candels and pay their respects. In the outskirts of Shrewsbury gunshots are heard, which turns out to be Novak expats at eachothers throats being on the opposite sides of the divide in their homeland. The chasm has also lead to an insider outing one of the spy-rings that was set up in Shrewsbury during the occupation. *Steel Tide naval patrols increase in the Whargarbl Sea, with small fleets patrolling the borders of Dog Bollock up and down. King Masher has returned to the Steel Tower, as has the Technotoad. *Vigils are being held in Lotiripol as the govt finaly admits Blacks death. Mr.T says "for the good of Randocracy we must stay strong and remember that Friday shall come again!" *Lunatic militant leaders try to intimidate the Brotherhood of Gabranth by saying Lupinis will intervene in Novak, in response Lupinis leader Moonmoon who was recently released into Lotiripol from captive in the palace has been kidnapped by the BOG in response with his safety being "dependant on the non-intervention of Lupinis" *Crisis in Novak As sectarian violence intensifies, the situation is made worse by news of Rebecca Blacks death in the Xehopi hospital, confirmed by Taylor Swift and denied by interim leader of Novak General Mr.T. The centre and south remains patriotic and loyal to her government, though in the North Gabranthian and Liberal factions have formed. In the west Lunatic and Communist factions have emerged and in the East the problem is not so much rebellion as it is violence between members of the Lunatic church and the Brotherhood of Gabranth. * *The confederacy of Independent States is formed for mutual defence. *United Provinces has a hissy fit and the Spiderpig union attacks peaceful kaneland. *Kaneland launches missiles at Big Brother House after United Provinces attempts to rienstate Rebecca Black. *AAC begins reconstruction of Oil Rigs in West Portas Ocean in an attempt to get its economy back on track after the ending of the war of the table. The Table is turning *The Steel Tide Rebellion starts after King Masher loses control of a small number of his army, being distracted by the War of the Table. He is apparently pretty pissed off and blames the Technotoad. *Shaderian/SE forces retreat. Land Forces in Fort Vegas go scorched land policy where it is possible and a few rogue Shaderian terrorists stay behind to cause havoc. *AAC sign a deal with the devil and ask DB for help. In exchange for a foothold in a ruined deftonesville DB advance on the Shaderian/SE forces with their aircraft carriers and Kiel based airforce. *TABLE GOES MISSING FROM THE WRECKAGE. *Huge battle ensues, Deftonesville is practically levelled by another round of Shaderian ICBM's. *Ship carrying the table is destroyed by flying unicorn cats along with several carriers being destroyed or badly damaged. *Away from the festivities of Toastervision the Technotoad is spotted once again, this time near Madrid. He has again disappeared from sight, however. Tracks have revealed he has returned to Dog Bollock borders. *Rumours are spreading that the Technotoad is cheating on King Masher and is having inappropriate relationships with a Shaderian Tadpole.s S***. **King Masher: 'Get your cybernetic ass back to Kiel and oversee the harvest of the island. You don't even have genitals. Silly toad.' The rumours were, indeed, true. *The pirates have arrived in Shaderia and are eager to strech ther legs after a long voyage. Captain Jack Sparrow is looking for King Solomon after devising a way to steal his S***. **Solomon, Countessa Tamik, Baron Samedi and a small contingent of castle guards leave to confront these hapless pirates, planning to attack during the night, they arrange for darklings to be provided once they near the coast. **A few cannon rounds ought to take care of those pesky darklings (whatever they might be). *Shaderia launches ICBM's at coordinates at 4.3,6.8 to try and destroy the bridge to Fort Vegas. *GlenAgainBeginAgain is sent from Shaderia to fight for the table, some planes have been removed in order to make room for supplies which will be distributed amongst the shaderian vessels. ABU Newsfeed ticker broadcast from Loveshack: Rail to Rio completed from zoio, Xehopi-madrid rail nearing completion. Rio airport is operational and landland intl' is in final stages. Shaderian and Aacese airports heavily affected by Table war. DB completes its Adolf Airbase on the site of former Kiel. SE and USP bases are nearing completion. UN position on future of Fusonia is still cloudy, in the meantime the UNEC has been tasked with bringing Dominoes Pizza to justice. UP still requires 3 votes for UN entry. Carriers Jesse Pinkman, Glenagainbeginagain and an un-named USP airborne carrier are ready for battle. In economic news, oil production of SE and USP increases in West Portas and Loveless ocean. Concerns are arising about how well protected the USP rigs are in light of the strikes on the East Portas rigs. AAC begins major efforts to bring its damaged rigs back online. The western hemisphere suffers greatly as a result of the war of the table, particularly the AAC and Shaderia travel to which is suspended from various countries, especially the AAC where the bulk of the conflict is taking place. With troops on their soil and travel dwindling AAC economy is at a standstill, Shaderias is also slowing due to the massive diversion of resources to sustain such a war. Detailed update on war of the table to follow. More importantly, stay tuned for Toastervision 12!!! *Taking the initiative, Shaderia launch some MIRV's at the AAC airbase in Deftonesville and deploy Sacrenoir the Death Knight and Mortimer Goth the Necromancer in Fort Vegas to better organise the ground troops. **AAC responds by sending ICBM's to Oasis. *After harassing the locals and stealig their weed the pirates set off for Shaderia for more looting and to steal Solomon's S***. *The pirates attack DPRSJ while AAC appears to be engaged in the war of the table. *A recent opinion poll suggests that Shaderia has the lowest personal hygine of any nation. Kane industries sends a few crates of toothpaste samples but it is rumoured to be addictive. *kaneland board of health is disbanded after angry citizens on mobility scooters burn down the ministry of health after the controversial policy of reccommending to citizens that they eat 5 fruit/ veg per day. *Kane lands a leading role in the popular video game series Conquer and Command where he will play the hero who abuses his people to get S*** done for some kind of mystical purpose or something. *Shaderia launches ICBM's to 4.2, 6.8 in order to stop AAC land forces from Don Bronco reaching the occupied zone so easily. Stealth Jets are also being dispatched to send care packages of ammunition, medicine and food rations to the footsoldiers. *AAC airborne carrier Air Force 7 is sunk in the war of the table. Shaderia now has intelligence as to the location of the table. As such, nobody is allowed in or out of the ship carrying the table, and the the entire AAC navy and airforce focuses solely on defending the table. *The Technotoad was spotted briefly in Dalania recently. He has since disappeared. *The newly formed Union of the Spiderpig (USP) increases funding towards Oil rigs in West Portas in an effort to increase supply and fix the global economy. *King Masher creates the Technotoad to be a general to his army. *Noel Flies to the Falklands *Spanish speaking protestors from the off world planet of Argenitina demand the return of the falkland islands from Salopia as this was the birthplace of the famous spanish prophet Saint Taco and was brutally killed when offering drunken Salopian sailers a cup of water. Meanwhile a small group of missionaries from New Salopia have arrived on the Falkland islands and are attempting to pursuade the islanders to become part of New Salopia. There is potential for a diplomatic row if there is a crackdown on the protestors or missionaries. *Shaderian carrier Krakos is sunk in the War of the Table. More carriers are completed on both sides. Shaderia bombs and occupies Fort Vegasopolis. *Heisenberg sends an armed response team, contracted from Kanish immigrants and Pirates, to find wherever the hell this "Hellgate" that Bragg spoke of is. *"You killed Aunt Sarah, you son of a bitch, now you're going to pay!" Jackie sends this video to Heisenberg. It depicts Jackie killing Heisenburg's distributor known by the name of Bragg. *Members of the Estacado family seem to be coming down with an unknown sickness. Doctors suspect it could be ricin poisoning. *The leader of Shaderia's main crime syndicate, Jackie Estacado, is very unhappy with Heisenberg's attempts to sell drugs on Shaderian soil, Jackie is old school mafiosa and will not tolerate this drug running from rivals and especially from his own men. The Estacado Family will launch merciless and brutal attacks should any drug runners be caught on Shaderian ground. Several mutilated corpses have already been discovered in underground dens. *King Masher begins the harvest of Los Camp and the whole island, intending to leave it nothing but a desolate wasteland as usual. *The pirates retreat from the Falkland Islands with only a few sheep after being repelled by the forces defending this islands. The pirates go off in search of easier prey. *The mass evacuation leaves Los Camp largely deserted, though a large number of Shaderian and SE troops still remain there. They seek to take advantage of the island for as long as they can before the Steel Tide arrive. Captured AAC generals and "citizens of interest" have been flown to Shaderia as prisoners of war. Shaderia has already deduced that the table must be on one of nine naval vessel and is close to taking it for themselves. *After having occupied the island city of Los Camp for the past few days, and using it as refueling station for allied aircraft, Shaderian troops offer to aid in the evacuation of AAC civilians. Despite the war Shaderia are not evil and will not allow innocent people to be harvested by King Masher. Modrid gets a bollocking *The pirates know who Heisenberg really is and recommend that he keeps out of their turf or William Brookes might need a new chemistry teacher. *Solarchapel had already been evacuated several days before, resulting in small amounts of deaths to what there could have been. However, Solarchapel was the multi-cultural beacon of Shaderia and quite possibly the world, playing host to numerous religious and cultural monuments of significance. Many people throughout the map, who had some form of culture based there, become irritated with the AAC. **Though this doesn't mean they support Shaderia either, they too have committed atrocities. *Heisenberg contracts pirates to sell meth overseas and on the far side of the continent in places such as Kiel, Dalania, Shaderia and Stahl Empire. If the Pirates don't return the majority of the profit to Heisenberg, his spies and employees will take them out in the most brutal ways possible. *AAC sends 6 more ICBMs to Solarchapel. *The cities Kiel and Pleasure Town are completely stripped for carrier parts. In Pleasure Town's place, King Masher's Steel Palace rises. *The 2nd UNEC takes over made up of Councillor Fring, Councillor Obushma and Councillor Krushev *After the recent naval defeat against DB the Stahl Federation's Reichstag vote to increase miltary spending on the navy in an effort to return the navy to its former strength from when Stahl was an empire. *Kane industries is given control of Kaneland in a contract to improve industrial production and build a modern and efficient state. Start the chainsaws and the drils and let the exploitation begin. *The forges in Dog Bollock fire on full blast as the harvested biomass is converted into new Steel Tide forces and put towards the construction of all carriers and a new airbase is announced in former-Kiel in order to concentrate on a more powerful robotic air force. The harvest of Kiel fuels the continued construction of the army. King Masher sits in his palace, quite giddy. Poisonous air pollution from the forges threatens to drift over into the Wharrgarbl Sea. *The table is moved onto an AAC ship, part of a huge naval fleet, ready to do battle in both the sea and the skies. A very brutal/bloody battle ensues. *AAC fires more ICBMs at Shaderia, this time aimed at Talkeenta. AAC attempts to attack Shderian forces at Los Camp by using a trident formation, with forces heading from Paramoria via the Channel of Last Hope, alongside the forces heading via Wrgbl sea (headed by Nick Fury), alongside the forces that were already in the Fozamese channel doing pretty much what they were anyway, the aim being to corner certain pockets of the Shaderian navy and either take them out or force a retreat. The air force also bombs the crap out of Shaderia forces both on land and at sea, while simultaneously trying to shoot Shaderian planes out of the sky. *Despite past differences and hostility. UP and Stahl unite forming "The Union of the Spider-pig" (USP) *Remaining former Lexilolian states join UP in response to unease around the world. *After Kiel suffers dramatically at the hands of DB, Stahl offers them the land in exchange for peaceful relations. Stahl forces leave the island along with the last Stahlian aircraft carrier. DB prepares to harvest Kiel. *AAC supercarrier Nick Fury arrives in Paramoria, though most Shaderian forces are sunk or have fled. But this diversion shall buy Shaderia precious time. Nick Fury heads back towards the fozamese channel. *SE sends mobile fighter launchers to stahl so they can re-enforce kiel and gain a slight advantage in the air *The noble AC GlenAgain is sunk near western AAC. GlenAgain BeginAgain shall be built in his honour. AAC aircraft carriers Agent Coulson and Iron Man are sunk trying to defend the table. HMS Executioner flees from western AAC. *King Masher commands the Steel Tide to make landfall upon the island near Kiel and begin harvesting it, both Stahl's and AAC's controlled area. In for a penny, in for a pound. *Environmentalists arrive in Mordrid and set up an eco friendly tree planting centre. Lets give the forest a hand man and like plant some trees and S***. *The Steel Tide pulls out of Modrid after all harvestable biomass is scorched, making King Masher lose interest. Instead, the carriers and naval fleets are diverted to Kiel to blockade Stahl and the ground and air troops, along with the king himself, return to Dog Bollock. *Shaderian aircraftcarrier GlenAgain along with the HMS Executioner attack Paramoria. Several planes take advantage of the war to destroy AAC oil rigs. *Modrid is evactuated where it can be and scortched earth policy is begun *Advert: Are you tired of thieves stealing your property. Do you wish there was a safe place to store your valuables. Look no further than Holiday island holdings Safe Deposit boxes. Now available in table dimensions. Just quote "protect my stash" to our customer care advisor and your will never have to worry about theft again. And that's a promise* *King Masher splits his naval fleet in half - sending four carriers to intercept and sink the Stahl Federation's supercarrier, but leaving Bill and Ben behind to support the harvest of Modrid. Once the super carrier is sunk, the remaining forces shall be dealt with and the fleet will begin bombing Kiel as penance. Meanwhile in Modrid, King Masher leads the Steel Tide at a steady pace further west. Aerial bombing runs, supported by Bill and Ben, concentrate and the resistance's airbourne carriers in an attempt to bring them down before the Tide reaches them. *AAC's entire army, navy and air force prepare to forcibly eject the Shaderian sum from the Fozamese channel and defend the table at al costs. This war shall be bloody and brutal. *The Stahl Federation uses forces including the supercarrier Shield deployed in Kiel to invade northern DB in the area that was once Pullonia. *Shaderian forces, led by Marquise de Aversa and Alistaire Crue, attack the island where the table is being held. They arrive onboard aircraft carrier Krakos. SE forces also assist in the attack. SE's aircraft carrier HMS executioner leaves for Shaderia to help protect it from the anticipated AAC attack. *The Stahl Federation sends troops to fight DB in Modrid sending roughly half of available forces via land. The other half are sent to Kiel for as of this moment an unknown reason. *Kane retires to the holiday island to set up an offshire tax haven and signs a ceasfire aggreement with Stahl in return for a 20% loss of the southern territory. New Salopia declared an independent state and the rest of Kaneland reverts to a nomadic desert lifstyle. *Air power tips current Kane-Stahl war in Stahls favour. Segways buisiness is booming. *Steel Tide continues harvest of Modrid while the United Provinces receives support from other former-Lexilo states and a Mr.T led Novak-Lupinis force